The Holy Grail of Footwear in question:

And when not trying to take advantage of discounts, Danielle has been playing games like Scarface 1920 with Oliver.

Then we learned about business partnerships and how they can go wrong. Here’s the Vanity Fair article that details the Zuckerberg/Winklevii drama.

The Facebook book Kristine is reading is Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams.

Then it was time to welcome our guest, Julia Wolov!

Julia took us into the world of comedy partnerships. Then we all discussed…

Glamour Shots:

Delilah from Kost:

And kids looking old:

Special shout out to Francis who’s becoming the emotional support dog to the world.

REMAIN CALM: IT’S JUST A GAME SHOW returns in June! Join the trivia fun from the comfort of your own home.

Join Patreon at these two tiers, and you’ll be ALL IN!

🎒 Backpack Full of Rocks

For trivia lovers, pop-culture aficionados, and anyone with wide enough shoulders to carry emotional weight, join our quarterly Trivia Zoom Parties.

🫣 Naked & Burrowing

Our wildest, most unhinged, ride-or-die level yet—complete with an awesome t-shirt and all the perks from every tier below it.

Take Me to Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot and Goodpods for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts and Top 10 Survival Podcasts- we are so grateful for the support!

A big thanks to YOU, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Subscribe now

So she had to stop at a gas station for deodorant.

Then, first they were lovers and now they hate each other! No, not Kristine and Danielle; Cynthia and Ariana!

But don’t worry because Cynthia set the record straight…so to speak.

Speaking of celebrity gossip, we then tried to figure out what’s going on with Rebel Wilson but it’s all pretty convoluted. According this article, it involves, a woman named Ghost, a Judge named Raper and an allergic reaction to cold water, which we thought was our thing.

Then we discussed Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals and the Rabbit vibrator.

We also heard about the brawl at Garon’s place.

In case you’re wondering, this is the song Danielle was trying to sing and it does reference sizzurp!

On a more wholesome note, while discussing elder scams we got deep into quilting.

Sticking with the wholesome, for the uninitiated, here’s the story of the mistaken Thanksgiving invitation.

Okay, no joke Paris Hilton really does switch up her voice!

No guest this week, which gives us a chance to remind you that round two of REMAIN CALM: IT’S JUST A GAME SHOW returns in June! Join the trivia fun from the comfort of your own home.

Join Patreon at these two tiers, and you’ll be ALL IN!

🎒 Backpack Full of Rocks

For trivia lovers, pop-culture aficionados, and anyone with wide enough shoulders to carry emotional weight, join our quarterly Trivia Zoom Parties.

🫣 Naked & Burrowing

Our wildest, most unhinged, ride-or-die level yet—complete with an awesome t-shirt and all the perks from every tier below it.

Take Me to Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot and Goodpods for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts and Top 10 Survival Podcasts- we are so grateful for the support!

A big thanks to YOU, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Subscribe now

Remember the number one rule in baseball: there’s no sneaking into a VIP buffet. (And you thought it was crying.)

Then the gang talked about spiders. Garon shared his bed with one as a child, which explains a lot. To no one’s surprise, Kristine sleeps with dead ones in her bed and probably has a spider’s nest in her hair right now.

Eww! No one’s hand should be that large!

Speaking of creepy, Mandy brought a dead rat inside as a gift to Kristine. Don’t worry, that’s not the video below.

That’s right, Mandy bites when you tell him to…and sometimes when you don’t!

Then we got into our topic: How to Survive Hantavirus!

Enjoy your cruise! The Mai Tais are complimentary; the kidney failure will cost you.

Kristine is tearing through the listener-recommended read, Yesteryear. Thanks, Lydia!

Danielle is returning to an oldie but a goodie, Patricia Highsmith and The Cry of the Owl.

Garon is foregoing the written word for R.J Decker, a show title that resulted from studio executives playing the “Porn Star Name” game.

What are you reading, watching, and enjoying? We love to get recommendations!

No guest this week, which gives us a chance to remind you that round two of REMAIN CALM: IT’S JUST A GAME SHOW returns in June! Join the trivia fun from the comfort of your own home.

Join Patreon at these two tiers, and you’ll be ALL IN!

🎒 Backpack Full of Rocks

For trivia lovers, pop-culture aficionados, and anyone with wide enough shoulders to carry emotional weight, join our quarterly Trivia Zoom Parties.

🫣 Naked & Burrowing

Our wildest, most unhinged, ride-or-die level yet—complete with an awesome t-shirt and all the perks from every tier below it.

Take Me to Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot and Goodpods for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts and Top 10 Survival Podcasts- we are so grateful for the support!

A big thanks to YOU, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Subscribe now

If for some ungodly (or godly) reason you’d like to replicate these coifs, there are plenty of tutorials.

Speaking of unusual cases, we discussed Donna Briggs and her alarming transformation. Here’s a quick primer on her.

Donna’s transformation brought to mind Eddie Murphy’s classic SNL bit.

Then we learned that Kristine is building a You-like cage to protect her furniture from her cat.

We also discussed a missing congressman, smelly clothes and Ari Seth Cohen’s (Jewish, much?) fashionable older ladies of NYC and their Advanced Style.

And as funny as we think we are, nobody can live up to this hilarity, courtesy of Piers Morgan and Russell Brand.

Don’t make fun, that’s his own special Bible Wible!

So even though this is hard to watch, I think we can all agree Katy is better off.

Then we welcomed out guest Allan Murray!

Allan regaled us with hilarious stories of showbiz, including how Mark Harmon’s dullness cost him.

Here’s the article about John Stamos’ lackluster reception on Friends.

And here’s, Russell Hartley, the guy Kristine’s cousin is following. I think we know how she ended up with her current love interest.

Thanks again to Feedspot and Goodpods for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts and Top 10 Survival Podcasts- we are so grateful for the support!

A big thanks to YOU our listeners! We can’t make the show without, you. You don’t have to join the Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

According to the experts at Cornbread Hemp, you’re probably fine eating expired weed gummies, but there’s a chance you won’t get high. Also, why are you listening to Cornbread Hemp?

You don’t have to go to a bake sale to get the gourmet Rice Krispies treats Kristine made. Here’s the recipe!

Want to help children in the Dilley Detention Center, but are creeped out by these elves too much to make Rice Krispies Treats?

Here are some other resources:

ACLU Texas

Womens Refugee Commission

You can volunteer your time through the Immigration Justice Campaign

The gang discussed the California Governor’s race long enough to prove they know nothing. In the most recent Politico poll, Democrat Xavier Becerra leads Republican Steve Hilton, with Tom Steyer coming in third.

Weirdly, Helen Hunt didn’t even poll.

If you zone out on Zooms to admire bookshelves as Danielle does- here’s a fun video you may relate to!

Then we got into our topic: How to Survive an Alpine Divorce.

This TikTok of a woman documenting her abandonment on a hike quickly went viral and has since garnered over 19,000 comments, with many women sharing similar experiences.

@everafteriya#venting

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It’s statistically safer to hike with a great white shark than a man you’ve only gone on two dates with.

Danielle recommends you check out Louis Theroux’s new documentary Inside the Manosphere.

Don’t go hiking with any of these men. Except for Louis, he’d never Alpine Divorce you.

Not familiar with the delight that is Louis Theroux (brother of Justin, son of Paul), well, get on board and start with this list of his 20 Best Documentaries!

Then we welcomed out guest Anne Gregory who is very funny and created and stars in the new mockumentary Being Open About Being Open. Check it out, won’t you!

Anne shared her story of losing her virginity in the ER! Every girl’s dream.

Thanks, Anne!

Thanks again to Feedspot and Goodpods for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts and Top 10 Survival Podcasts- we are so grateful for the support!

A big thanks to YOU our listeners! We can’t make the show without, you. You don’t have to join the Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

If you’d like to bid on this poster or purchase the package to listen to it, go here.

Then Danielle talked about going to her new French hairdresser whose fabulousness is way above Danielle’s pay grade.

Next we got to hear about yet another of Kris’ former jobs: sassy child who calls her mom a tramp!

Danielle can confirm that the tramp scene was from Bosom Buddies, but, alas, the internet can not.

Then we got into our topic: How to Survive Uncertainty. And we got a little help from The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson.

And speaking of not giving a fuck, this Hungarian politician whose running for Health Minister threw caution to the wind and broke out his best moves following the election.

On the other hand, someone who really does give a fuck is astronaut Christina Koch’s dog who was soooo excited that she returned from outer space!

Next time, just take him!

Then we welcomed out guest Jane Borden who told us about overcoming her many health issues with The Plant Paradox!

And while we’re on the subject of books, check out Jane’s book Cults Like Us

Oh and Garon’s microwave has become sentient and its sole purpose is to prevent him from enjoying popcorn. Plot of M3GAN 3?

Thanks again to Feedspot and Goodpods for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts and Top 10 Survival Podcasts- we are so grateful for the support!

A big thanks to YOU our listeners! We can’t make the show without, you. You don’t have to join the Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Jim Morrison died tragically at the age of twenty-seven, which is, coincidentally, the age one loses their tolerance for The Doors.

Is there a band you loved that you can no longer tolerate? Maybe this video will bring you back with Open Arms.

The 80’s were such simpler times. Everyone had Supercuts hair and looked 47.

Kristine and most of her family finally watched Marty Supreme. Which obviously led to a conversation about Gwyneth.

Speaking of good moods, the gang is excited for the upcoming Gwyneth vehicle, Strangers. This calls for a vagina steam clean!

And great news for Danielle, there is a Groupon!

Nothing says friendship like matching yeast infections!

Then, our topic! We learned how to survive frozen water!

If you aren’t part of our Patreon, Assess the Situation (and beyond) levels, you probably missed that Kristine dug into the scandal around the new Lindy West memoir. Want to read Lindy’s husband’s awful email to a journalist? Go here!

Also, Danielle and Kristine are hitting the music scene, and Kristine claims she saw the new John Tesh live.

@mastersofnoneshowThe two most confident men alive are John Tesh and his brother, Dave. #snl #music #NBa #tv #marchmadness

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I want the extended episode!

Next up came Professor Improv, Will Hines! He shared his experience surviving frozen shoulder.

Want to go to Improv Graduate School? The World’s Greatest Improv School also has classes online.

We very briefly delved into the very restrictive and expensive Tom Brady diet.

Following TB 12 won’t turn you into a record-setting quarterback, but like Tom Brady, you will become 1000% more boring.

Thanks again to Feedspot and Goodpods for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts and Top 10 Survival Podcasts- we are so grateful for the support!

A big thanks to YOU our listeners! We can’t make the show without, you. You don’t have to join the Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

But the underwear Kris swears by for comfort are these from Natori. In fact they’re so nice, they make her do this:

Then we discussed being disgusting, as shown in this clip from Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar.

Which brought to Danielle’s mind this:

We also dished on Heidi Klum’s hideous dress, which is like if a side mullet were a thing and that thing was also a dress.

Save it for Halloween, fräulein!

Then we didn’t so much learn how to survive something as we learned about the horrific things that tickle Danielle.

For more on the Molasses Flood, pick up Dark Tide.

Then we had on Brian Kiley, fresh off his stint writing for the Oscars!

We asked and you answered! Here are the results of the name the new cat poll:

Lady Pants, it is!

Thanks again to Feedspot and Goodpods for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts and Top 10 Survival Podcasts- we are so grateful for the support!

A big thanks to YOU our listeners! We can’t make the show without, you. You don’t have to join the Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Kris talked about being done dirty by her cat, while Danielle’s interaction with a garage owner was no day at the beach.

Then we learned that the new hot thing is to deny the existence of Helen Keller, despite being subjected to this over and over:

Then Danielle revealed that there’s a new freeloader in her backyard, just in time to rebut Doechii’s claim that “yall be scratched and beat tf up by your own animals I can’t lmaoooo”.

As promised, you get to vote on the new cat’s name! Or if you have any better suggestions, send them our way!

Next, Danielle talked about a different kind of pussy and how to protect it from sperm!

Then Jeff Lewis joined us to talk expensive Bar/Bat Mitzvahs and vasectomies!

Here’s Jeff’s Allstate commercial!

And evidence of Oliver’s elaborate Harry Potter party

How to Survive the weekly newsletter is FREE to all our Patreon listeners, but if you ever feel inspired to upgrade to a paid membership, we are grateful to have your support for our writing work!

Subscribe now

Want to check out a free trial and see what nonsense we’re up to?
👉 How to Survive Patreon

A big thank you and welcome to all our new Patreon members!

Thank you to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Look, if anyone knows fashion, it’s Victoria Beckham.

As of this writing, Danielle has watched three episodes of Heated Rivalry, Kristine has watched one, and Garon powered through the entire season in one sweating, um, sitting.

Haven’t watched yet? Garon is livestreaming the show 24/7 from his place, if you want to join the watch party. BYOT (Bring Your Own Tissue)

For tears, obviously.

Since we’re all hot on rivalries lately, Kristine shared how to survive if you ever get caught up in one.

Look at this expert in action! Kristine is using the time-honored method of taking a photo of herself looking disappointed to text to her friends. Research on the effects of this method is mixed.

For storytime, the gang discussed one of the biggest sports rivalries of recent history. The 1994 Olympics Kerrigan VS. Harding scandal.

Oh, 1994, if only memes existed, this photo would surely have inspired so many dank ones.

For further details on the Harding Kerrigan saga, check out the 30 for 30, Price of Gold documentary, the movie I, Tonya, and the great two-part listen of You’re Wrong About.

How to Survive the weekly newsletter is FREE to all our Patreon listeners, but if you ever feel inspired to upgrade to a paid membership, we are grateful to have your support for our writing work!

Subscribe now

Want to check out a free trial and see what nonsense we’re up to?
👉 How to Survive Patreon

A big thank you and welcome to all our new Patreon members!

Thank you to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Then we discussed the merits of the new show Neighbors, which is not to be confused with this:

Or this:

We also talked facials, which is when a stranger washes your face and then attacks you with whatever they can find in their garage.

Then Danielle introduced us to the perils of smoke inhalation and the Christian rock band, Stridor.

Then we welcomed back our pal, Todd Levin!

Todd told us about his days working in a porn video store and as a bonus, we got to learn that both he and Kris made a habit of taking home people’s pictures at their one-hour photo jobs.

A big thank you and welcome to all our new Patreon members!

Want to check out a free trial and see what nonsense we’re up to?
👉 How to Survive Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

If you’re here because you’re already on board — thank you. Truly. We are so grateful for your continued support.

If you found us through our pals at Never Not Funny — welcome. We are thrilled to have you here!

Here are a few additional episodes we think you’ll love.

• How to Survive Urban Legends & Real-Life Body Horror (with Kevin Avery)

• How to Survive Sea Slugs & Skydiving (with Nikki Nash)

• How to Survive Electric Eels & an Electrifying Encounter (with Mike Henry)

And check out our “New to How to Survive- Start Here” trailer at the top of our feed

If you like what we offer, please follow us wherever you listen so you don’t miss our next emergency.

For bonus episodes, live trivia nights, and truly unhinged extended content, we hang out over on Patreon. We offer free trial memberships and lots of tiers!

Take Me to Patreon!

Now, Remain Calm.

👉Danielle & Kristine, and of course, Garon aka Garden Squirrel

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Things did not go as planned.

So Kristine reached out to an A-List celebrity's stylist. Listen to this week’s episode to find out who!

For Danielle’s birthday, she was living out her own Eat, Pray, Love dreams by gorging on Cacio é Pepe and drunk-Frenching her Lyft driver.

Don’t worry, it’s not what you think. Or maybe it is? She explained it to Kristine and Garon in French, so they still don’t know what happened.

Just like the FCC, the gang at How to Survive has zero complaints about the Bad Bunny Super Bowl Joyfest.

In more fun news, a recent survey shows more Americans think Bad Bunny better represents the U.S. than our current president. Take that, Jill Zarin!

Speaking of things we need to avoid, Kristine taught us how to survive the Fer-de-Lance.

Tip Number One- never hang out with Jeff Corwin.

This is not to be confused with the Fleur-de- Lis, which you can pick up

…as a flower

…a fragrance…

…or a femme fatale (illegal in 49 states).

Then it was time for our delightful guest, Greg Proops!

A big thank you and welcome to all our new Patreon members!

Want to check out a free trial and see what nonsense we’re up to?
👉 How to Survive Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Then Danielle admitted to once coveting (but never purchasing) moto jeans.

And we tried to get to the bottom of the Nigella Lawson meecro-wah-vay controversy and once again, Kristine was disappointed to learn the truth.

Danielle let us know that she learned how to play the crazy game of life from her elementary school graduation song. Not only was Dixie Canyon great prep for learning How to Survive, but its exterior was used as the school on The Brady Bunch.

Both Kristine and Danielle had fun recipe ideas. Kristine hipped us to the classic Cacio e Peppe and Danielle revealed that her habit of cooking only for parties started in junior high with parmesan pull-aparts.

Ian Wolfe, aged 32.

Then we finally got down to business talking limb loss and prosthetics. Check out this cool 3-D printed leg prosthetic.

Then it was time for our delightful guest, Macey Isaacs!

Oh and these are the kind of braces that Old Lady Danielle had to wear.

If you aren’t already a Backpack Full of Rocks or Naked & Burrowing member, there’s still time to join!
👉 How to Survive Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Patreon members (Seek Shelter tier and up): make sure your mailing address is added to your account. We’ve got an early February surprise ready to go and want to get it to you post haste. 💌

Not on Patreon yet? You don’t have to hang out on the app — just sign up, add your address, and you’ll get something too.

Totally optional. Good times await you.

Remain calm!

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Which is all fine and well if you’re Teyana Taylor, but not so great if you have an ass like a screen door.

Speaking of the Golden Globes, check out Stephen Graham’s charming speech and the random shout out he gives near the end.

We also did a deep dive into George Michael’s Father Figure. If you watch the video, especially the moment when Georgie Boy is taping pictures of his lover to the wall like a proper psychopath, the line “love can be mistaken for a crime” makes a lot more sense.

Then we all imagined ourselves somersaulting out of disreputable care facilities.

Maybe it’s just the mood of the country but we got into a discussion of who has and has not punched someone or been punched. Is there still time for Danielle to join Fight Club?

Then we welcomed Charlie Nelson Jacobs who impressed us all by surviving what was surely the basis of Mae Martin’s Wayward.

And let’s not forget namesake…

We also learned of Kristine’s harrowing encounter with an Amazon delivery driver!

Remember our first-ever How to Survive Trivia Night will be on Friday, January 30th at 7:00 PT! If you aren’t already a Backpack Full of Rocks or Naked & Burrowing member, there’s still time to join!
👉 How to Survive Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

We also learned that while Frances is a fun traveling companion, she is not good at scaring off demons.

And while she likes to get wet, Frances also likes to snuggle up in a sheet.

Then Kristine and Garon talked Stranger Things while Danielle examined her cuticles.

Next we found out about Danielle and Jimmy’s first Rams game!

Come for the football, stay for the giant eggrolls…

…Corgi races

And fans with ideas…

And Kristine told us how she used to wear her factory clothes to bed.

Oh, and these are the Diet Coke napkins Danielle foolishly passed up on.

Why are they pink? Why the bow? Why is there a sticker blocking the image?

Remember our first-ever How to Survive Trivia Night will be on Friday, January 30th at 7:00 PT! If you aren’t already a Backpack Full of Rocks or Naked & Burrowing member, there’s still time to join!
👉 How to Survive Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now

Before we dive into this week’s episode, here’s a sample question from our upcoming First LIVE on Zoom HOW TO SURVIVE QUIZ SHOW, Friday, January 30th at 7 PM Pacific time. Join the fun at our Backpack Full of Rocks or Naked & Burrowing tiers!

Join the Quiz Show Fun!

Did we mention the winner gets a prize?

Now, to this week’s episode, we learned about the Kimmel family’s fancy holiday tradition of eating hot pot, aka paying good money to cook their own dinner.

This performer is dancing the traditional Chinese art called “Bian Lian,” which loosely translates to “Enjoy Your Meat Sweats."

Danielle got her dad those cool Captify glasses that we learned about from our guest Nikki Nash.

Lookin’ good, Walter, but I think the glasses only work if you wear them!

Garon watched Avatar 2: The Way of Water…to double-check he didn’t like it. He also polished off around 4 lbs of Costco Lobster Mac and Cheese to quadruple check he did.

@thelavelleshowCostco now has LOBSTER MAC & CHEESE?! 👀 #Costcofinds #macandcheese #thanksgivingdinner

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If you want to live like Garon, Instacart delivers this yummy TikTok trend. Skip Avatar 2 and read these Reddit comments instead. In your loosest pants.

Then we learned How to Survive Uber. Here’s the latest update on the lawsuit.

Want to read the entire NYT piece?

Don’t want to pay the high cost of an Uber or Taxi? A city bus ride is usually under a dollar!

As Garon can attest, there’s no extra charge for a Little Boop on the South Snout! (there is a charge to look at this genre of porn on the internet)

Then, we were joined by one of our all time favorite people, Oliver Pardo!

Oliver Pardo recommends you watch: It Was Just an Accident, If I Had Legs I’D Kick You, and Splitsville.

He does not recommend you tell your Uber driver you are going to film school.

Don’t forget to check out our new tiers!
👉 How to Survive Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

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Then Danielle told us that she goes to AMC Theaters to laugh, to cry, to care and to throw down with an asshole using his phone.

Then it was time for Christmas gifts! Kristine got some Extremely Accurate Birds stickers and Garon got a perhaps way-too-big Frankenstein eyeglass cloth.

And Danielle is very excited to read Mother Mary Comes to Me by Arundhati Roy.

Then it was time to talk losing your voice. We got to discussing breaking a glass while singing and, not surprisingly, Danielle got the product wrong. It wasn’t Maxell but rather Memorex that had Ella Fitzgerald breaking a glass by hitting a high note. This fantastic article does a deep dive into the commercials.

And here’s Phoebe’s sexy cold voice on Friends.

Then, we were joined by network exec extraordinaire, Gary Mann!

If you’re in New York why not stop at the pierogis place made famous on Gossip Girl, Veselka? Or you can order them online.

Don’t forget to check out our new tiers!
👉 How to Survive Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

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The gang discussed a common occurrence in all of their households: annoying mouth sounds.

Diagnosis…a severe case of marriage.

Speaking of gifts you definitely didn’t ask for, Danielle’s elderly aunt surprised her with a giant bag of scented candles.

Danielle claims to hold no ill will, but Aunt Ruth's scooter tires were slashed the same night.

While Danielle hid her switchblade, Kristine shared tips and strategies for surviving comparison to someone we imagine is doing life better.

While Brad Pitt doesn’t have this issue, the rest of the human race is imagining Brad Pitt: 100% OF THE TIME.

Our very entertaining pal, Jordan Morris, came by and shared his very wild tale at Burning Man!

Check out all of Jordon’s podcasts, books, and upcoming projects: HERE!

Pre-order Predator Bloodshed!

Want to watch a “chilling,” and "twisted,” thriller, based on a best-selling novel with THAT shock ending? You may enjoy Behind Her Eyes with Eve Hewson. Danielle rated it three and a half Bono’s. (out of what, we have no idea).

Maybe you’re in the mood for a documentary that is riveting and on lots of “best of,” for the year, but is also upsetting and will make you angry/sad. Kristine recommends The Perfect Neighbor in case you haven’t been so sad you hit a car with your car.

Don’t forget to check out our new tiers!
👉 How to Survive Patreon

Thanks again to Feedspot for voting us in your Top 100 Comedy Podcasts!

Additionally, Goodpods has voted us a Top 10 Survival Podcast AND a Top 50 Comedy Podcast! Pretty awesome! We feel honored!

A big thanks to YOU, most of all, our listeners! We can’t make the show without you. You don’t have to join Patreon, but if you are looking for a way to support us, reviews on APPLE or wherever you listen are super helpful! And tell your friends about the show, word of mouth helps so much!

Take Me to Patreon!

Subscribe now